


DTF

by irisbleufic



Series: Come As You Are [2]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Abduction, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Bad Jokes, Batman References, Canon Jewish Character, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crushes, Enemies, Ficlet, First Kiss, Humor, Jerome Valeska Sucks At Flirting, Jewish Character, M/M, One Shot, POV Bruce Wayne, Random & Short, Short One Shot, Teasing, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 16:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14288517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irisbleufic/pseuds/irisbleufic
Summary: Instead of a starched-and-collared number, Jerome was wearing a tie-dye tee beneath his blazer. He’d scrawledDTFon it in green Sharpie.“Wait,” said Bruce, incredulous with laughter as the acronym clicked. “You’re serious?”





	DTF

**Author's Note:**

> Context: raven_aorla and I challenged each other to write scenarios in which Jerome Valeska's obnoxious flirting style totally and repeatedly falls flat. First I wrote [**this**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14190156), then raven_aorla wrote [**this**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14286183), and now I'm writing _this_ to cover the missing element. TL;DR Jerome fail!flirts with a whole bunch of Rogues in the first two pieces, and, in this one, he's having a go at Bruce.

It just wasn’t a year in the life, Bruce thought, without at least one abduction at the hands of Jerome Valeska. Being tied up at an abandoned pier in the Docklands, though? That was new.

So was the alteration to Jerome’s usual wardrobe rotation. Which, depending on the day, might range anywhere from shabby Arkham chic to bad houndstooth suits paired with loud shirts.

Instead of a starched-and-collared number, Jerome was wearing a tie-dye tee beneath his blazer. He’d scrawled _DTF_ on it in green Sharpie.

“Wait,” said Bruce, incredulous with laughter as the acronym clicked. “You’re serious?”

“As a seizure, sweetcakes. Why should Cobblepot and Captain Question-Mark have all the fun? Selina and the Sapphic Squad? Or Zsasz and his heavily-armed Harem of Hotness, _huh_?”

Maybe it spoke to Bruce’s current desperation that, for a moment, he considered it. As infuriating as it was, Selina was forever pointing out that he and Jerome— _Joker_ , an accidentally-bestowed-by-Tetch title that the schmuck had run with—had chemistry.

Stuck on his mother’s flint-edged Yiddish snark, what Bruce said instead was, “I had no idea alliteration was your new shtick.”

Unfortunately, that was sufficient to send Jerome into a fit of cackling that set him off-balance. He keeled face-first, with his roughshod showman’s flair, into Bruce’s waiting lips.

Bruce had meant to close his mouth. But it would’ve meant missing Jerome’s sole worthwhile punch-line to date, which was: in addition to donning the atrocious t-shirt, he’d been mainlining breath mints.

The kiss didn’t last long. It wasn’t particularly unpleasant, either.

(Later, in Bruce’s memory, it would replay on lag, protracted to the point of obscenity.)

“Tell you what, this is a waste of my time,” Jerome sneered, licking his lips as he backed down. “I’m having better luck with that nut in a balaclava who hangs from fire-escapes.”

“Then maybe you should stick to the night shift,” Bruce advised sternly, practically daring him.


End file.
